I called to talk about business. As I usually do. When I called, I had my agenda of things I needed to discuss. There is a pressing issue that needs to be addressed. As a man not keen on wasting others’ time, I immediately dispensed with the formal pleasantries and jumped right in.
I noticed a calm in the other voice at the end. A sort of disengagement that I had not heard with this officer in quite some time. I asked if everything was ok.
“I’m good.” announced the voice at the other end.
As anyone who has ever been in police work, ‘I’m good’ rarely means goodness. IT usually means something is wrong. There is a hesitation in the way it is answered. There is a shakiness in the voice when it’s spoken.
Public safety professionals know precisely what it means when we hear it.
It is a cry for help.
It is only sometimes a cry for help like a therapist or put off duty. It is a cry for someone to ask how they are doing with more than customarily expected pleasantries. When we hear those words, as leaders, we need to engage in empathy. Please look for the truth and offer an ear.
When I made the phone call, I was operating on auto-pilot. I know to be polite about how someone is doing and move on to the day’s business.
As soon as I heard, “I’m good.” I knew I had to pivot.
There was a brief pause, a lowered tone, followed by, “Tell me what is going on.”
“I just got my mother’s autopsy results back.”
Boom. Shockwaves.
My agenda no longer mattered.
This officer had been grieving their mother’s death silently for some time. They were grieving behind a smile that showed up to work every day as if nothing was wrong.
But things needed to be corrected.
Some questions needed to be answered, and closure had yet to occur.
At that moment, I knew, as a leader and friend, empathy was the only thing I needed from me.
It must be hard to lose a parent, even harder when it is unexpected. In these moments, the only response is to acknowledge those facts.
Being there and expressing empathy as a leader will live on in the memories of those around us.
We built trust by recognizing what was essential to the officer and not to me at that moment. Trust is vital in any relationship, especially between leaders and their teams. It allows for open communication, understanding, and support.
In this case, I made sure to listen more than speak. I let the officer talk about their mother and share memories. I offered my condolences and asked if there was anything I could do to support them during this difficult time.
I also checked in with them regularly, not just as a boss but as a friend. I wanted them to know that they were not alone and that they had someone who cared about their well-being.
We built a stronger bond through empathy and understanding, and the officer found some peace amid their grief.
As leaders, we must remember that our team members are not just employees but human beings with their struggles and emotions. Showing empathy and being there for them during difficult times can make a huge difference in their well-being and overall job satisfaction.
In an age where we recognize the value of great people, making others feel cared for is a mandatory process for all leaders.